So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
