I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
