Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
