Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
