At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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