Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
