a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
