evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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