when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
