Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
