I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
