so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
