Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
