my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
