it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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