Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
