I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
