what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
COCAINE IS GR8
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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