she woke up with a sticky ear
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
