So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
