Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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