Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
