is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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