Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
