you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
