Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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