I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Panties = found
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
