I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
