I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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