someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
