A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
