Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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