apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
