Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
