It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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