I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
