so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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