Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
