my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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