we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
