Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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