I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
