we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
