Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You ruined the universe
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
