i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
