Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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