dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
