my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
