I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
