so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
