Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
