I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
